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    歡迎訪問海崖學網 您還沒有 [ 登錄 ] [ 注冊 ]

    和“自己”保持距離,才能找到你自己

    時間:2019-06-09    來源:www.chcompsol.com    作者:名人名言  閱讀:

    1.想悅己,你得先弄清楚究竟“誰”是你自己

    也許你和我一樣有過這種經驗:一件起初看來會讓自己開心的事,最后卻反而讓自己痛苦。比方現在大家都在熱議ipad和iphone,假設我想我也可以擁有一件,必定會很快樂。于是我高高興興地跑去排隊購買,結果排隊時被人插隊,踩到腳,日曬雨淋,終于輪到我了,卻說賣完了。我可能因此變得好生氣。好憤怒,原本想要悅己的事,結果變成虐己。

    我還認識有些人,一輩子都活得很難過,總是記得十年前某某人欺騙他傷害他,或是某些童年陰影讓他很不快樂。其實他仇恨的那些人,有的說不定早就不在人間了,剩下的也早就不再來往,發生的事早都變成歷史。真正讓這些事過不去的,其實是這個人自己放不下。這時這個”自己“就變成封鎖自己的牢籠。他被關在那些難過的記憶里面,太在乎自己要求的正義沒有獲得,補償沒有實現。他想用怨恨來補償快樂,卻離快樂越來越遠。

    你看,我們變得和追求快樂的目的背道而馳,往往是因為沒搞清楚,那個想要取悅的“自己,究竟是誰?他是哪些部分構成?或是糊里糊涂把父母、老師、朋友,甚至大眾傳媒告訴你的需要,不假思索的當成自己的需要;或是固執地認為應該堅守一個理論上不應該改變的自我,把自己變成“自我”的囚徒。

    所以我常覺得,放棄自己這個概念時,說不定會快樂很多,輕松得多。

    haiyawenxue

    2.和“自己”保持距離,才能找到你自己

    我們常常要透過別人這面鏡子,才能了解自己。但既然是鏡子,就有可能變形或扭曲。這時,我們要靠自己敏銳感覺看清楚自己。每當你覺得快樂或不快樂,滿足或不滿足時,你都清楚地跳出來看一下自己,這時被刺激被滿足的究竟是什么?我需要這樣的滿足嗎?人的確很難認清自己。唯有常常問自己問題,離自己有點距離,你才能清楚看到那個狀態下的自己是什么。圖集美文網

    拿最近發生在我身上的一件事來說吧。上個月,我到北京工作,剛到第一天,正在準備第二天一場千人的盛大活動,家人忽然來電話告訴我,我從上大學起養了17年的貓,小吉,忽然死了。那一刻,我腦中一片空白,毫無意識的猛然站起來。小吉像我的女兒一樣,跟我很親,從小就會爬到我的毯子上來睡,我一直看著他長大。

    我連著好幾天都擺脫不了那種空白,不可抑制的想象他最后倒在地上的那一刻。他可能拼盡力氣的發出最后的哀鳴?抑或疲憊已極的沉沉睡去?生命究竟是什么?那具躺臥的軀體分明就有小吉的樣子,但它比起之前還爬得起來的活物到底少了些什么,或者多了什么呢?

    我很難過,就像失去一位親人,慢慢,我開始思考,我究竟在為什么難過?也許我難過的只是從此失去某種習慣:比方我以后再也不能回到家的時候,用一種特有的聲調呼喚她的名字,期待他的出現;晚上睡覺時,也再不能期待她跳到我的枕頭上,用它的小腦袋頂我的頭;沒辦法再在我的衣服上找到她的毛……這些東西我知道以后不會再有了。

    我發現,難過的其實并不是失去這個伴侶,而是失去了我自己身上的某種習慣。為有什么事情你從此不會在做了而難過,就是一種很強烈的執著會讓你不快樂。

    快樂不快樂都是背后有一只手在推你。我們常常會為失去的東西難過,但最好玩的是,東西還沒到手,我們往往就已經開始擔心會失去它。其實你沒得到的東西,本來就不是你的;失去的東西也不是你的。用佛語講就是”過去心不可得,未來心不可得“。就像我的貓它離開了,它就不再是我的了;我未來會得到什么,它也還不是我的,我干嘛那么揪心他?

    人最痛苦,好像都在為已失去和未得到糾結。

    3.越能放下自己你就越快樂

    對現代人來說,愛情也常常是喜憂參半。我們聽過太多女人為男人而心碎的故事,也聽過太多男人為什么會花心、好色的理由,甚至有人對此提出生物學理論,但我想說的是:人并不是自然的囚徒,人有能力擺脫本能的束縛。我們今天所有的道德規范,都來自對自然本能的約束和否定。

    我承認,在花心這個問題上,男人可能有各種各樣的理由,甚至有客觀理論支持,但這些都不表示可以成為一個借口或必須發生的事。在愛情世界里,男人對女人的誤解,女人對男人迷思,也許的確有很多客觀事實依據,但我相信,都是有能力去改變這些東西的。

    在愛情中,往往越沒有自己,越快樂。太強調對自己的滿足,是欲,不是愛。欲望這個東西可怕在,它永遠滿足不了。好比買車,有了勞斯萊斯,還希望有布加迪,還需要純個人訂造;搭飛機,搭頭等艙,不如買私人飛機……你會發現,這個過程永遠無法滿足。在愛情里也是這樣,如果你總想滿足自己,你就永遠不會得到終極滿足。當你越能放下自己,投入像冒險一樣的過程里面,你才開始快樂。

    4.越不期待目的,越能得到意外驚喜

    我們常說:生有涯而知無涯。于是常常有人要我開書單,希望能在有限時間里多讀有用的書。可我總覺得,讀書到底有用沒用我沒辦法幫別人回答。從我自己的經驗來看,一些起初看來很沒用的書,有時卻會變得很有用,這個有用是超出你原先想象設定范圍的。

    我這輩子到現在,擁有的或者獲得的最巧妙的想法,恰恰都來自讀之前沒想到它會給我帶來這種用處的書。

    haiyawenxue

    我們總希望做的每件事、度過的每一刻都要有用,于是不再留時間散步了,不愿意坐在窗下發呆了,換句話說我們不閑了,這樣其實少了很多孕育靈感的機會。當我們失去這些機會,人就不太會有大變化,很難跳出原有的格局。

    為什么?你看“用”是什么意思?它就是你已設想好的目的。當你所做的一切,都是為了滿足既定目標,你就沒辦法發現在這個目標范圍外,更廣闊的可能性是什么。所以讀一些無用的書,做一些無用的事,花一些無用的時間,都是為了在一切已知之外,保留一個超越自己的機會。人生中一些很了不起的變化,就是來自這種時刻。

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