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    歡迎訪問海崖學網 您還沒有 [ 登錄 ] [ 注冊 ]

    祭戀

    時間:2019-06-09    來源:未知    作者:吃茶去  閱讀:

    思念有時候就像酒,時間越久越濃。謹以此文記錄我已逝去的青春

    回味起來,我已經記不起那些年一起漫步河畔的感覺了,可是,總有一個牽掛在那些夏天心動。

    記得第一次見你時,我從外班轉到后來咱兩一起的班級,班主任把我狠夸了一通,我在臺上自我介紹,那時的你我肯定想不到,我們從那里開始了人生中的某個重要的時刻,日子在離開原來情深意切的班級里離開的萬分不舍中開始了,我還有和我一起轉來的楊俊峰,我們成績平平,相貌平平,而你在人群中卻又顯得那么溫柔,那么開朗,默默地關注著你,只覺得你是那么的遙不可及,空氣中似乎彌漫著你的氣息,會不時地望向你存在的方向,偶爾會聽到關于你的緋聞,心里又會有那么一絲絲地心痛,我不知道是不是喜歡上你了,但就是想看到你,沒有原因的,總是裝作不經意間從你身邊走過。那時一向自我感覺良好的我在你眼里是多么的卑微,我想。是不是每一份刻骨銘心的往事,都會經歷這樣一個青春懵懂的羞澀過程。

    回家的路上,經過親戚的書店里,無事翻來幾本書,卻在不經意間,看上了一個筆記本,這是一個很普通很普通的筆記本,只是因為有你名字中的一個字,它就變得那么特殊,買下這本筆記,心想著送給你,然而我卻怎么也找不到一個合適的理由,于是它就一直躺在我的課桌里,有那么幾次,真想沖過去,把本子塞給你,而我始終沒有那股勇氣。那時的我可以用“年輕氣盛”來形容吧,也處于青春期,覺得自己長得也挺帥,優點也挺多,和女生搭訕也是手到擒來,而在遇到你之后,一切都變了,不愛和女生說話,不會去放開自己和班級同學相處,跟害怕別人知道自己心底的秘密,我不知道從什么時候心里開始住進了一個你,就想引起你的注意,生命中,總有那么多錯過和偶然,后來,你和別人談戀愛了,心底的沖動一下子跌入萬丈深淵,萬劫不復,于是,各種關于你的事情成了班級同學茶余飯后熱聊的話題,我總是不愿去聽,卻又忍不住去聽。一切又按照上帝的安排走著,不瘟不火。

    那時的我和楊俊峰——人送外號“丫頭”,我們算是最好的朋友了,我爸經常會去學校給我送些零食和飯菜之類的,而我只要我爸送給我吃的,我就送些給丫頭,而我每次和丫頭一起出校門,也會去他家,他媽媽總是很熱情的給我們準備飯菜,阿姨也不知道叫我啥,就跟丫頭叫我大頭,一開始還有點尷尬,后來,卻覺得這樣很親切。

    haiyawenxue

    那年夏天的空氣是燥熱的,充滿了萌動,只是現在回想起來,是一種濃濃的美好和懷戀,懷戀那些年在我們心目中的四中,懷戀四中門口琳瑯滿目的禮品店和各種流溢著青春氣息的禮品,還有那時在我們心目中那些禮品的含義,總是把它們當做我們送禮物的準則,仿佛那就是我們表達心意最直接的法則。

    每周放假后,總要三五成群,逛街的逛街,吃麻辣燙的吃麻辣燙,那是一種幸福和享受,那時候,希望周末過的慢點再慢點,上學變得遲點再遲點,生活過得有了期待。

    很快,初二已經過去了,對你漸漸淡化那股強烈的感情,而無意間聽到你在和平廣場的大橋下,把初吻給了他,心里空落落的,但是,那時的我不是你的誰,又有什么權利去干涉你,去質問你呢?這始終像根刺一樣埋在我們的感情里。空氣是苦澀的,因為喜歡你的人又何止是我一個呢,我有什么資格去擁有你呢。

    我知道,對你來說,那段感情并不是快樂的,流言蜚語的攻擊力是巨大的,終于你們分手了,那時的你寂寞,痛苦,無助,上課也會悲傷的流淚,聽到他,他們的聲音也會流淚,沒有歇斯底里,沒有哭訴怨恨,你的成績直線下降,班主任找你談話,言辭是犀利的,行為是無理的,任課老師找你談話,內容是恨鐵不成鋼的,只是因為他是班長,班主任要給他留面子,留尊嚴,看著你奔潰的樣子,我心里真的很難受,最后,終于,你扛不住所有的壓力和流言,萌生了轉學的念頭,那天早上,作為物理課代表的我收作業時經過你的身邊,你對我說,“你穿白色衣服挺好看的”,就是這句話,我心中的感情堤壩決堤了,那天中午,只見你們宿舍幾個陪你站在教學樓過道里,所有人懷著一顆懸著的心回了宿舍,我更甚,我害怕,我害怕下午就看不見你了,我害怕,害怕以后就沒機會見到你了,我害怕,害怕我從此就錯過你了!懷著忐忑不安的心上完三節課后,出門去辦公室回來的路上,遇見你,得知你不走的消息后,我開心地瘋跑回班級,宣告了你不走的消息,所有人都沸騰了,然后那晚晚自習,發哥問我,“她不走,你為啥這么高興啊?是不是喜歡她啊?”我被問得不知所措,趕忙拒絕,其實心里樂滋滋的。

    這大概都是五六年前里某天的片段了,隨著時間慢慢前進,能記起的片段,能記起的關于她的也越來越少了,趁著還能記起把這些年的情感和回憶一起寫進文字里,我怕有一天,我見到她,沒有任何情感波瀾,這會是我人生的大憾,只愿她靜悄悄地躲在在我回憶的墻角里,待我孤單時,可以陪我度過,我不愿我的青春一片荒蕪。

    命運有時候真會捉弄人,每次月考后依分數排座位的時候是我最期待的時候,她成績比我優秀,理所應當地在我前面選座位,她選了一個靠窗的座位,而我選了個在她前面一排很近的座位。她依然那么認真地學習,那么開心地笑,而我在她前面卻是糾結的,想找她說話,卻又緊張的不行,以前和女生搭訕的我不是這樣的,在她面前,我仿佛有點自卑,有點仰慕她,終于找到一個機會,我和她說上話了,她開心的笑,但她卻不知道我心里那個難以啟齒的小秘密,隨著日子久了,我們也越來越熟,由于熟知她的人都知道她的開朗的性格,我就給她起了個外號“虎妞”,然后每次我叫她虎妞時,她都會一本書砸過來,然后就得意的笑著,我也有種莫名的幸福感。“虎妞”“虎妞”“虎妞”地叫著,一本一本地打鬧著,我覺得我喜歡上她了,沒有理由的,后來的幾次調位置,我都不出意外的選在離她不遠的地方,她是走讀生,每天可以出校門,班級同學有需要從校外買東西的,她都不拒絕,后來有一天,我跟她說我要吃大白兔奶糖,她盡然真的給我帶了一大包,傻,弄的我很手足無措,那次把我感動了。她的確是個很會照顧人的女生!一個周五的下午,封閉式學校的兩周一假,那天中午每個人都很興奮,就像從監獄里即將刑滿釋放一樣,我也不例外,那天不知道為啥把她“惹惱”了,她把我從座位上一把推翻了,然后,整個班級的小伙伴都驚呆了,都跟著起哄,她不好意思的笑著回到座位上,我爬起來說她真猛,那天,我問他喜歡什么樣的男生,她說喜歡成熟穩重型的,然后我就裝成熟穩重不說話,把我憋了一下午差點沒把我憋死,放學前,班主任讓我去辦公室拿存在他那的錢,每個人都會把自己多余的錢存在班主任那的,防止被弄丟或者被偷,我拿完錢后給她寫了個紙條,“放學后,門口等我!”

    放學后,遠遠地看著她在門口等著我,心里很激動,也很意外,沒想到她真的在等我,我和她一路聊著,笑著,私立學校的學生一般感情比較深,因為每天朝夕相處,也會在放學后三五成群的去逛街,去上網,去吃飯等等,那時候的一切都是美好的,我和她一起去逛了老街,跟她一路開玩笑,一路也找打,嘿嘿,逛完街去四中旁邊的店里吃麻辣燙,她往我碗里加了一勺又一勺的辣椒,我被辣的吼不住,她說嘗嘗我的,我去,我沒聽錯吧,她說“嘗嘗我的吧”,然后……我和她同吃了一碗麻辣燙,幸福的要死啊!天黑后,我送她回家,她那時住在一中前面的親戚家,過馬路時,我伸出手給她一個眼神,她也明白,拉了上來,我牽著她的手過了馬路,然后就覺得那馬路太窄了,還沒走幾步就過了。到她家門口時,問她明天有時間沒,一起去玩,她說可以啊,“那我們就約在明天下午兩點,和平廣場見吧”!

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